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Finley Peter Dunne Quotes

"The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here."

"Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals."

"There ain't any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare."

"The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married."

"There are no friends at cards or world politics."

"Trust everybody, but cut the cards."

"Don't jump on a man unless he is down."

"Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts."

"It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it."

"A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case."

"A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary."

"A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable."

"Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable."

"One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it."

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